Archives for March 2006

…I have the neglected toliets to prove it!! :o)

Up on all fours, but no movement just yet…

Wanted to let you all know that our little peanut is feeling much better these days. The nose is still runny and the cough and raspy voice are still there, but they are quickly fading. That was quite a cold! I am not looking forward to the next one let me tell ya. In fact, I might be a little obsessive about germs these next few weeks. I’ve really tried to be casual about that whole issue since I think so many parents go overboard, but man, now I understand why. Once you experience one of these killer colds, it’s enough to make you bathe your child in antibacterial hand sanitizer!

So I am happy to have the twinkle back in my little girl’s blue eyes — not to mention the kick in her, uh, step? — yet, I am sorry to say that her lovely sleeping habits are back as well. Why does this child nap for over an hour some days and others she basically closes her eyes for a long blink. I mean, I am pretty good about routine, etc., so why does it vary? Yes, because she’s human, but it’s enough to drive me insane. I know she needs more sleep because she yawns like crazy after her “snaps,” so why doesn’t she just sleep longer? Don’t get it AT ALL. Yes, I know I never will, but I can’t help but think, “Well, maybe if I try this…” When will I get it through my head that I have no control?????

Perhaps this little outburst is all stemming from the night wakings that have also crept back into our lives, making me a tad (just a tad!!) irritable. Why is she waking again? Well, I usually get annoyed when people say this, but I admit that my theory is that she’s hungry. Let me explain: I stopped solids after she got sick because 1. She could barely swallow her own flem let alone oatmeal mush; 2. How was I going to recognize an allergic reaction in the midst of mucous mania?; and 3. I might as well have spoon-fed her boogers with the constant runny nose. Anyway, so I stopped and only gave her bottles, which she seemed okay with.

But then she started to get better, and I noticed she was hungry earlier than usual, and she was waking up at 11pm and 4am instead of 12:30am and 6am. So we started cereal again this week for breakfast and dinner. And she is loving it! Okay, sure, maybe that’s because of the spoonful of pears I put in there, but hey, it’s working so I’m going with it. So I guess I’m doing a mini pear trial. Yes, I know that it’s sweet and I’m risking the chance of this child never eating a vegetable, but I’m willing to take the chance. After this week, we’ll do carrots and on we go to the less fun stuff like peas, etc.

So is all this helping her sleeping? Um, no, but I’m still hopeful (a.k.a. in denial). Her waking issues also have to do with the fact that she is sleeping without her papasan… well some of the time. The first 2 hours are fine, but after that she starts choking and coughing and fussing and crying, so I keep caving in and back she goes into the papasan. I don’t know how to solve this problem. Which is the worst of the two evils — a papasan that is a little too small for a growing baby to sleep in or acid bouncing up and down my baby’s throat, causing her pain. Okay, so obviously those were biased descriptions, but that is how my mind works at 2am when my baby is unhappy. So how do I get past this and let her wiggle around enough to find a comfy spot that doesn’t bother her reflux? Not sure I have it in me, but I guess we’ll figure it out one of these nights.

Another issue I am totally perplexed about is her meds. We were giving her 2 ml of Prevacid twice a day, but the pediatrician suggested going to 2.5 ml once a day and the new medication 3 times a day. Well, during the cold from hell, Emma was on Tylenol, Motrin, and then a decongestant (I only did that for a day), so I didn’t want to give her more medicine, plus everything I put in her mouth made her choke like crazy, so I stopped. Once I stopped the fever and cold meds, I gave her one dose of Prevacid a day with the intention of giving the new med, but somehow never remembered to do it. Plus, the one time I did give it to her, her cheeks broke out. A coincidence, perhaps, but I did find a Web site that said the new med had lactose in it. My doctor (and the 3 pharmacists she checked with) swear there isn’t any in there, but I am a little hesitant.

So, here is my plan (which I am totally unsure about): I am giving her the Prevacid twice a day again, and I will only give her the new med if next week’s anti-papasan bootcamp causes major issues. Until then, I want to see if the increase in solid food and the Prevacid are enough to make life bearable. It would be so much easier if this stupid reflux would just go away already. This child deserves a normal tummy after almost 7 months of misery. Keep praying!!

The upside is that my bunny’s smile and giggles are back in full effect and make all of the above seem like minor setbacks. We have been playing a lot lately, and I just love watching her figure stuff out. She really investigates her toys and is starting to get annoyed that she isn’t mobile. Slowly but surely she is reaching a little farther to grasp things out of her reach, and she is wiggling around, propping herself up on her knees and trying to figure out how she can move forward. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before I’ll be chasing around this one.

Oh, a final note: hair is finally coming. It’s light and thin, but it’s there and growing every day. It’s still too short to confirm curls, but between me and Jeff, I’m pretty much banking that Miss Emma will have at least waves. It is just so much fun to think about!

I guess that’s enough for now. Hopefully I’ll get some new pix up this week. Stay posted!

I usually try to keep this blog pretty upbeat because, hey, it’s all about Miss Emma. But once in a while a mama needs to vent, right? So here it is: I miss breastfeeding. A LOT. I mean, I know what’s done is done, but I truly miss that connection with my little wiggle worm. No, we weren’t perfect at it, but it was still a bond no bottle can duplicate.

I was putting away all of my nursing gear the other day and got really depressed. It’s offically over. (Trust me, I have the training bra boobs to prove it!) It was on my terms, I know, but it kinda wasn’t. I hope I can do it longer with our next child. I miss the closeness, the convenience, and well, the unexplainable feeling you get from knowing your body is providing nurishment to your child.

And then there’s the guilt. Yes, I know I shouldn’t feel guilty, blah blah blah, but I do. Emma has been really sick since last Saturday with the most awful cold. I mean HORRIBLE. Temp of 102 that finally went away YESTERDAY (yes, as in 4 days later!), a nose that is chapped from the constant flow of mucous, and the hacking cough. Oh, the cough — it scares the crap out of us. She chokes and chokes to the point that Jeff and I fear she’ll stop breathing. Jeff even took to the couch for 2 nights so she could sleep with me and I could ensure adequate airflow.

So what does this have to do with breastfeeding? Well, maybe a lot, maybe nothing. You see, this certainly isn’t Emma’s first cold, but it is her first without the boob juice. And it is the worst BY FAR!! It required two trips to the doctor and constant “check in” calls to him. I can’t help but wonder if this cold would be milder if I was still breastfeeding. I always thought breastfeeding prevented sickness in general, but maybe in a crazy cold season it just helps keep the symptoms to a minimum…

Yes, I am a little nutty. Why did I stop breastfeeding? To relieve myself of the pressure of possibly eating something that caused her pain. And why do I now wish I could? To relieve myself of the pressure of possibly causing her sickness. Does this constant blaming ever end? Probably not.

I guess in the end, no one — including me — is good enough for Emma. Just wait until someone else hurts her in some way. Mama Bear will be ready to rumble!