Archives for November 2012

“Look, Mama, I standing!”

My head snaps up, and what I see makes my heart swell with pride and break all at the same time.

She is bent in half – her strong, little arms bearing the weight of her entire body, making her feet flat on the ground but pushing her butt straight up in the air.

“Yes, baby, you are.”

—

It is coming. I can feel it. Her body isn’t keeping up with her brain, and I can tell she is noticing. It is motivating her for now, but I can feel her heart beating in mine. Her sweet little heart. Right now, it is whole and strong and innocent. But I fear the day when the cracks begin because I know what they will do to my heart.

Her wheelchair has been paid for and is on its way. Hopefully we get it before Thanksgiving so I remember to be thankful. I know she is more than ready for it. I can see it in her determined eyes, hear it in her demanding voice, and feel it in her powerful pushes as she sits in her stroller.

They also tell me she will qualify for 5 days of preschool next year. As in next fall. In less than a year, my 3-year-old baby will be pushing her way up to the school bus in her wheelchair, totally independent and ready to take on this world.

We are moving forward. I want so badly to put on the brakes, but I know I can’t…that I shouldn’t. This is called progress, and I know that means we are getting closer to His plan for her life.

This isn’t about me; it’s about her. And Him. When I remind myself of that, I know this journey is going to be nothing short of awesome. Together, they are going to rock this. I just need to be there when she needs a little push.

~linking up with just write

Like most people, there are certain life lessons I have to keep learning over and over again. But this year, as I look back, I can honestly say I have spent the last 12 months embracing a lesson that my heart so needed to learn.

Life, as it turns out, doesn’t go as you plan. And no matter how hard you try to control it — even the little stuff — something will almost always get in the way.

I think I am finally to the point where I know that life isn’t about the moments you orchestrate or the moments when everything goes perfectly. Life is about seeing everything else — the stolen moments, the side views, the imperfections — and realizing that this is where the happiness, the beauty, the REAL breathes.

 
For me, it is these moments that confirm that there something much bigger than me out there, reminding me of my humanity and giving me glimpses of His sovereignty. No matter what happens (or doesn’t happen), there is unconditional love and joy and oh yes peace(!) waiting for me, if I am willing to surrender my preconceived notions of happiness and all the “shoulds” of my life.

Now, that’s not to say I don’t still love me a day filled with “to-dos” that get done or a picture-perfect smile. But I can now loosen my grip enough to enjoy every part of my beautifully imperfect life.