Archives for November 2020

Gratitude is one of those emotions that we know we should offer generously and continuously, but I think it is also the hardest one to conjure up when life throws us hard news. Or exhausted toddlers. Or moody teenagers. Or piles of bills.

Finding the energy and wherewithal to offer authentic praise when we are pushed to our limits is not easy or natural. For me, it is a discipline I’ve had to learn over and over again. Although I wish I could organically produce thanksgiving when life gets tough, the reality is that it is a choice. Do I praise God in this storm, or do I choose pity and play the victim? It sounds like a simple decision, but sometimes our hearts and heads just don’t line up. Sometimes our hearts are hurting too much to celebrate anything.

There have been times when I have no more words, no more prayers, no more positive thoughts. Times when I have turned to God, knowing in my head that He deserves my gratitude and yet my soul feels empty, my bones dry. In those moments, as trivial as it sounds, I often use music as a way to express myself.

Now, I am no singer and have zero musical talent. I mean ZERO. But when it’s all too much and I have nothing left, I often turn on some of my go-to worship music and let it fill the gap between my heart and my head, my doubt and my Faith, my earthly troubles and my Father in Heaven. I open my hands and allow the music to crack open my heart and let the praise pour out all on its own.

This practice has become a spiritual discipline for me. It doesn’t replace my prayer time or devotion time, but making time for praise and worship on hard days, as well as within my everyday life, has been transformative. It gives me permission to not have all the answers or the right words but, instead, allows me to simply be present and let the Holy Spirit move within me. It is my offering when I feel like I have nothing left to offer.

I don’t know why music shifts something within us—why it stirs up emotions and tugs at the very threads holding our hearts together. I just think it is one of those unexplainable concepts that is true for all of us. And for that reason alone, I believe it is a gift from God; a gift that invites us into a sacred space where praise permeates the air, where the veil is thinned just a little, giving us yet another way we can approach our Father with a posture of gratitude.

Maybe you have prayed all the prayers and said all the words today. Maybe your head can’t think one more thought. Maybe it’s all too much. It’s okay. He knows. Open your hands, listen to the music, and present your song before the King. I promise you, it is a sweet, sweet sound to His ears.

 

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The Lord is my strength and my shield;

my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.

Therefore, my heart celebrates,

and I give thanks to him with my song.

Psalm 28:7

*Excited to share on DaySpring’s (in)courage blog today:

 

As I watched them play on the driveway, I longed for an ounce of their energy. Five kids were playing chase. Two were playing basketball. It was a beautiful day, and I could hear their laughter from the other side of the window. I should’ve felt joy at the scene before me, but what I really felt was exhausted, depleted. I was running on fumes and clinging to my third cup of coffee.

For years, I operated like this, drinking lots of caffeine but pouring from an empty cup. Somewhere I bought into the narrative that it was my job as a Christian woman, mom, and wife to pour out and then pour out some more. Serve others. Put them first. Sacrifice and sacrifice some more. These are the ways of Jesus.

It took me many years and many tear-soaked conversations with God to finally realize that His command is to love others, but to love them as myself. While I was following the first half of that sentence, I was skipping over the second half. I was forgetting that I had to care for myself well in order to care for others well.

Soul care and nourishment are not good ideas or luxuries. I have learned they are necessary if I am going to live out the ways of Jesus. Love and grace have to come in before they can spill it out.

What’s interesting, though, is that when we think about nourishing our souls, we usually think the answer is consumption. An empty cup needs to be filled, so we consume. We do Bible studies, read devotions, and listen to podcasts and sermons. All of that is good and necessary, of course, but what those years of depletion and exhaustion taught me was that the real reason I was tired was that I was trying to carry too much. My hands were full and holding too tightly to a world I was trying to control. Clenched hands are not a posture of receiving anything, including God’s grace.

So, for me, soul care starts with surrender. This means literally laying my worries at the foot of the cross. Sometimes, I name them one by one. Sometimes I lay them down in a jumbled mess that can’t be put into words. Either way, the process is never as easy as it should be.

 

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