brooklyn

Push

December 15, 2011 by Lisa

So leave it to me to get on a good blogging roll and then come to a screeching halt after leaving my heart on the ~~page~~ screen for all to see.

I kinda feel like that last post needs some explanation, yet my hope was that it wouldn’t need one at all. I have to admit that I wonder what ya’ll thought of it. Not that this is a shameless plug for comments, but I do care what you think. Probably more than I should.

But, honestly, that’s one of the reasons I wrote the last post. Lately, I’ve been inspired to take chances. My whole life, I have played it safe. I have followed the rules and colored like WAAAY inside the lines. I still follow rules (just ask my hubby and my 6-year-old daughter), but I realize that I need to let my crayon travel outside those boundaries every once in a while. Like many other things, it is good for the soul.

So I have decided to push myself…in my work, my writing, and my faith. Taking chances not for the sake of taking chances, but to inspire myself to do more, to leave a mark. Even it means putting myself out there.

This blog is a “risk” for me. Yes, I am a writer by trade, but I am a journalist. I deal with research, facts, and figures. I write with my head. But this, this is my heart. And that is a scary thing.

But I am pushing myself. Writing about things that might make some people uncomfortable and playing with words in ways that would make my grammar teacher rip her hair out. Yes, we’re talking commas here, but it’s my crayon and my journey. I’m sure yours would look different, but that’s the point.

Push.

Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t about putting a spotlight on me or even this blog. If I only have 3 readers, so be it. It’s about feeling alive. It’s about amazing my God. It’s about inspiring my own children to feed their passions, to not settle for cozy and comfortable.

I feel called to be more. I feel we are all called to be more.

I literally watch this little girl push herself every single day… joyfully and with much determination. There are just so many things I take for granted. So many things that are EASY.

But the blessing, my friends, isn’t in the easy. It’s in the hard. The uncomfortable. The more.

Push.

Making it Work… (and linking up with Small Style)

Shirt: Target, Kendall hand-me-down
Skirt: Old Navy, Kendall hand-me-down
Tights: Baby Gap, niece hand-me-down

*P.S. Putting this brown skirt with a gray top was VERY outside of the lines for me. I know, I know… nothing says “carpe diem” like a brown skirt. Let’s call it “mocha,” shall we? 😉

In His Presence

December 6, 2011 by Lisa

The first thing she felt was the grass tickling her feet. It was cool, yet inviting; each blade soft to the touch, but firm enough to find its way between each of her toes. The sensation, she realized, was new. She didn’t want to open her eyes — not yet. Something made her want to savor the feeling for just a little while longer.

She stretched out her left leg and felt the tickle crawl from her feet to her ankle, up her leg, until it stopped at her knees where her dress began. She then stretched her right leg, taking the time to lengthen it ever so slowly.

Savor.

The weight of her legs was now making imprints in the soft grass, grounding her, yet the feeling pulsing through her body made her want to fly.

She opened her eyes. The light before her was blinding — blue and white with flecks of golds and silver. Even in its brilliance, it was mesmerizing, drawing her in and making her see more clearly.

And that’s when she saw Him. He had been watching her the whole time. He too had been waiting for this moment. The smile on His face mimicked the feeling spreading throughout her whole body.

Pure joy.

Their eyes met, and He nodded. It was time.

She looked down at her new body and slowly bent her knees, using her hands to push her legs up, until finally she was standing. The movement was graceful, easy. As if this was how it was always meant to be.

She looked back at Him, eyes wide, and He held out his arms. Her first step was careful and slow, but as she felt the weight of her body on the lush ground beneath her, she began to walk faster and faster, until finally she was running. Running as fast as she could until she fell into His arms and thanked Him. Over and over and over.

Thank you.

As they pulled away, His hand touched her cheek and He searched her eyes for any questions. She had none.

He smiled again.

His arms invited her to leave if she wanted to. As she looked around, she saw that some were dancing, leaping, while others sang in unison. Their praise permeated the air, creating new breath. She inhaled.

She saw others walking through the fields, laughing and talking; children skipping and running; the flowers swaying to the rhythm of their joy. Her soul warmed.

Then she saw those gathered at His feet — peaceful and still — and she knew where she wanted to be, just for a little while longer.

She slowly bent her knees, lowering her body back onto the grass, and simply sat in His presence. As if this was how it was always meant to be.

(Copyright, Lisa Bonnema, 2011)

************

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children.”

Revelation 21:3-7 NIV

************

Spark

December 2, 2011 by Lisa

Last week, when we were at clinic, I saw an adorable little girl in leg and hip braces, pushing a walker, and I couldn’t help but smile. Her mom followed as she confidently led the way, knowing exactly where she wanted to go and almost taking a few toes out along the way. This girl had a destination!

First, it was full speed ahead to the table with the over-sized checkers board, where she took a seat with her mom. But she immediately switched gears when she spotted a waving baby. I watched as she got back into her walker and eagerly rolled over to the baby. She then flipped down her seat (that was part of the walker) and thought nothing of striking up a conversation with the baby and his family. And there she sat chatting for the next 15 minutes, beaming as much light as when she first walked in.

Clinic days are interesting. They reveal the crazy spectrum that is Spina Bifida, ranging from kids with no signs of physical challenges that are there for a quick urology check up, to incapacitated kids with feeding tubes and reclined wheelchairs. Most of the time, I leave thankful for Brooklyn’s health and praying for the little ones with much bigger struggles.

When they called us in for Brooklyn’s ortho appointment, I couldn’t get the image of the little girl out of my mind. It was an image I have seen many times in my head, and I couldn’t help but ask the question I knew better than to ask:

“I know you’re only guessing, but based on what you see so far, what do you think Brooklyn will be able to do?”

Our orthopedic surgeon smiled and gently told me that it depends on the muscle strength we see in the coming months. But as I pressed her, she added that because Brooklyn is already able to sit up independently, she should be able to walk with assistance. We just aren’t sure what that “assistance” will mean. There will definitely be braces of some kind and a walker involved at some point, either as a bridge to crutches or as her main mode of transportation. And, of course, there is always the possibility that she will need a wheelchair, even if it is just for long distances.

Her answers didn’t surprise me. In fact, I pretty much knew what she was going to say, but something made me ask. I admit that for the last 6 months, I have basically predetermined what I think Brooklyn will do. It’s not like I’ve completely lost hope — trust me, I still pray BIG — but I kind of felt like I just knew. A Mama’s heart can feel that stuff.

Later that day, Brooklyn had physical therapy. Nothing special, just our typical weekly therapy. But during stretching, I watched our PT’s face light up.

“I think I just felt something new twinge.”

My heart stopped.

“I think I might have fired a hamstring.”

Now I was choking back tears. You think I’d be used to this by now. Even now, as I write, the tears are falling.

It wasn’t until that moment that I realized perhaps I had lost a little bit of hope. It’s a difficult balance — hoping and accepting. We had heard early on that maybe Brooklyn had some hamstrings, but further unofficial “tests” didn’t confirm that, so I figured we were all quads. And although I want every muscle we can get, quads are all we need to walk. So I was good with that.

But to think there was still a chance for more? To think for a second that my image was wrong. Well, that was a m a z i n g.

Like anything in life, I’m not sure there is a “right” way to navigate through this journey, but I do think that a spark of hope every now and then is good for the soul, even if it turns out to be wrong.

This week, Brooklyn has started to experiment going on all fours, bending knees that never really existed when she was born. We are bumping her PT appointments up to twice a week, and I can’t tell you how excited I am to see what she can do.

We also have a muscle test coming up in January — her first one since the day she was born. I am both excited and scared to see what we find. I am fully aware the results may prove our PT wrong — and my heart is ready for that (I think) — but my hope, my prayers will still be that Brooklyn proves all of us wrong.

Happy weekend, everyone!

(Shhhhh!)

Standing on the Promises

November 17, 2011 by Lisa

I kinda wish I could have posted her naked because really, I don’t give a flying fig what she is wearing right now…

SHE IS STANDING!

It is wonderful and strange and humbling and absolutely amazing to see my baby standing on her own two legs. She just looks so tall, so much older, and oh so beautiful…my heart overflows.

She may need a little help for now, but it doesn’t matter. I can see it now, right there in front of me. His plan. He’s whispered, painted images on my heart since we found out about our rock star, but to see it happening — with my own two eyes — well, it is enough to send me to my knees. Or better yet, stand in awe…with my baby.

I no longer have to imagine. It is happening.

She may always need help, but that’s okay. I don’t care. At least not today. This isn’t about what the world thinks is “normal.” None of that matters. Not anymore.

It is about what He can do. What she can do. What they will do together.

It’s about seeing the miracles…whether that means beating the odds, or simply taking advantage of the medical advances our generation is blessed enough to have available.

I don’t care.

SHE IS STANDING.

Making it Work…
Onesie: Carter’s (Target)
T-shirt: Cherokee, Emma hand-me-down
Pants: The Children’s Place, niece hand-me-down

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