Never promise to do anything when you have a newborn. It just doesn’t happen…

Sorry for lack of updates. Maybe later this week??? :o)

When Emma was first born, I had a hard time. The first two weeks, everything seemed to come pretty naturally. After all, she just ate, slept, and pooped. But once other elements started coming into play — how often to feed her, thrush, nursing troubles, and lots of opinions — I started to stress out. I had NO idea what kind of mother I wanted (or needed) to be.

Do I feed on demand? Do I let her cry it out? Do I try these sleep “patterns” I read about in books? How long should her naps be? Do I trust the nagging instincts about her tummy, or am I overreacting? Allergies — do they exist in infants? Does she have reflux, or am I imagining it? And how about vaccinations? Are they causing huge problems like autism, or are they protecting my baby from getting really sick?

And then I did the worst thing I could have done. I read a million books, asked a million questions of people, and googled until I could no longer google. In other words, I overloaded myself with information…none of which gave me any sort of answers. Just more questions. And more doubts.

I felt guilty for not being 100 percent sold on “attachment parenting,” yet I didn’t want to let Emma cry it out either. I wanted to trust my doctor, who told me to space out her feedings no matter how much she indicated she was hungry, but I ended up getting sick to my stomach every two hours, when I KNEW she was hungry. Was I a horrible mom for giving her a pacifier? Should I stop nursing when she clearly isn’t enjoying it and I’m wasting away on a very strict diet, or do I stick it out because someone tells me “it’s the best thing for her?”

Every time I turned around, it was a new question, a new research finding, a new opinion on what “good” mommies do. Quite frankly, I was pretty darn lost. I was confused. At times, scared. Why didn’t I just “know” like every other mom who seemed to naturally take care of their child? Why was I so insecure? Honestly, I would say I felt like this for the first year of Emma’s life. That didn’t make Mommyland very fun most of the time.

But as I prepare for this new child, I am so thankful for all of those questions and doubts. They made me search hard and deep about the kind of mom Emma needed, and even more so, the kind of mom I wanted to be for all of my children.

The largest lesson I have learned is that kids are not “one size fits all” and that each one requires special attention based on who they are. I also learned to trust those good old “mommy instincts” Jenny McCarthy talked about on Oprah the other day.

Emma was not a cuddly baby. At all. She loved her crib at 2 weeks, and NEVER wanted to be swaddled. She liked her space, and still does to this day, so babywearing probably wasn’t the best option for her. And I definitely knew co-sleeping wasn’t for her either, but I also learned it wasn’t for me. Jeff and I enjoy our bed, and we cherish the small amount of alone time it gives us.

I also decided that I do not want my baby to cry it out. First of all, it went against every instinct I had in me. If my baby cries, I want to hold her, comfort her. Emma was so active, that she really just needed a longer soothing period to fall asleep. Some may have thought I spoiled her — and still do — but I know my baby, and I know what works.

I also really believe in schedules. I like schedules because of my personality, but I also learned it works for Emma too. Am I too strict? Maybe, but that’s my Mommy style, and I can honestly say I’m okay with it. Emma doesn’t skip naps EVER, and I work around her. To me, that’s what I am supposed to do. Before I know it, naps will be gone, and my baby will be in school. I can handle staying at home for a few hours so she gets her much-needed rest. To me, that is more important than any errand.

I hate junk food. Emma doesn’t get it. She gets all-natural most of the time, and sugar is avoided unless it is in fruit or once in a while, a milk-free cookie. Some may think I am somehow horrible for not giving her chips or fried food for pure enjoyment, but why in the world would I give her something that I know isn’t good for her? Sure, it’s hard and takes more work (and money), but it’s worth it to me. Her allergy issues only make it that much more important.

TV is avoided at all costs, but I don’t think it is “evil” either. Emma gets about 20-30 minutes a day (at most), and once in a while, a family movie at night if all 3 of us are home together. As long as it teaches her something, I can deal with a little bit every day.

Outside time is very important to our daily routine and so is physical activity. Unless she is sick or it is raining, we always find time to run around or at least go for a walk. Fresh air goes a long way!

Discipline is a must. I try to avoid “no” and give “creative directions,” but hitting or other aggressive behavior gets a time-out on the naughty chair. Emma knows right from wrong, and she knows when she’s been “naughty.” When her time is up, we talk about it, and she usually tells me what she’s done wrong before I can. She says she’s sorry, we hug, and it’s over. Until the next time of course! Either way, she needs consequences, and I am sticking to it. I’m not perfect — I do yell more than I’d like — but I am avoiding spanking for as long as I can. Emma is very physical, and I think it would only add to the problem instead of solve it.

I have learned to ignore the non-spoken, but obvious opinions others have about the way Jeff and I raise Emma. Before, it literally drove me crazy to think someone might think I was doing something “wrong” or that I was catering to her too much. But now, I can officially say I found my “mommy groove” with Emma, and that gives me so much peace. What’s even better is that Jeff and I are in total agreement.

Of course, God — in His awesome sense of humor — is now giving me another child, which will probably throw all of this out of the window. Which is exactly why I wanted it down on “paper.” I am curious to see how much my style changes as I juggle two very different kids.

I do want to say that I am still open to new things. Hoping for more cuddles this time, I plan to try out babywearing with this baby. Maybe not all the time, but much more often. I think it will be good bonding, but also more practical as I try to get stuff done. I also intend to try my hardest to nurse for at least a year (Emma was only 6 months), provided we don’t have major stomach issues.

The real question is will I get lax on some of these issues, or will I stick to my guns? I am interested to see. But either way, I can confidently say I am excited about this new Mommyland adventure.

I figure that if God thinks I can handle another child, then I can. I just pray that I can have more fun and less worrying this time around.

Stay tuned… 🙂

Today I had to travel out to O’Hare for a work meeting. For those of you that don’t know, I work part-time from home. Anyway, on the drive home, I decided to pop in the free CD I got at MOPS last week. To my surprise, it was actually pretty darn good and not at all cheesy. Even the songs!

Anyway, one of the topics was identity: Who am I? Simple and trite enough, but what really hit me was when the CD talked about the different ways we define ourselves — by our jobs (what we do), as well as what people ask us to be (what we do for others).

All of the sudden I realized why being a mom was so hard for me the first year. For years, I defined myself by my career and what I accomplished. People expected that of me (so I thought), and I liked that (read: my pride liked that). I was a hard worker who worked all hours of the day. I traveled. I had crazy deadlines and lots of stress. That was me, and I thrived on that.

And then I became a mom. A mom like every other mom. Same trials, same frustrations, same questions. At times, that was very comforting — to know others had been through what I was going through — but it was also a little frustrating. Wasn’t I a better mom? Didn’t I put in more hours? Didn’t I read more books, have more knowledge? Didn’t I care more, try harder, and lose a little more sleep?

I am a goal-seeker. I like to succeed, and Emma quickly became my most challenging project. If I do this, she will do this. If I stop doing this, she will stop doing this. And so on.

But it didn’t take me too long to realize that Emma isn’t a project. She is my child. She won’t give me a promotion, a raise (if only!), or a gleaming review. But yet she still loves me.

She knows nothing of my past successes. She doesn’t know where I’ve traveled or what job titles I have held. But yet she still loves me.

What a wonderful blessing that is. A wonderful, but humbling blessing.

Being at home has taught me a lot about myself. When it’s just you and a trusting child alone together ALL.DAY.LONG, you quickly come face to face with who you are. The only term I can use to describe it is “raw.” Not a pretty adjective to describe motherhood, but in my experience, it is pretty accurate. The best of who you are and the worst of who you are come out when no one is looking. When no one is there to hold you accountable.

And for a while there, I didn’t like what I saw. I realized what control issues I had and how much pressure I put on myself. And for what? I mean really, for what?

Don’t get me wrong, I believe that there are many responsibilities moms have besides giving hugs, but I also know that at the end of the day, Emma is going to know the real me whether I like it or not. I can’t hide behind accomplishments because, honestly, she doesn’t care. She just cares whether or not I have her snack ready for her when she wants it.

To her, I am the snack lady, and I am okay with that. Because right now, that is a pretty awesome responsibility to have.

Here’s my point: Even though I am a mom at this season in my life, I also know that it doesn’t define me. And I think that’s an important thing to remember. I think God is using my experience as a mom to shape me into the person He created me to be — the unique person He created me to be — but I have to be careful not to make it everything I am. For Emma’s sake and for mine.

I think too many of us lose ourselves in our jobs and what we do for others that we forget that there is still a person underneath those things that needs to be nourished. A person that needs to be confident in who they are so that when those things suddenly disappear, we are left with more than a sense of loss. Instead, we are left with the amazing person God planned for all along.

Emma definitely comes first, but I also know that I need to focus on a few of my needs so I can be an even better person and in turn, a better mom.

My first step? Joining a women’s bible study this summer. With all of my ministry stuff on hold for the summer, it’s the perfect time for me to be fed. I can say I do a daily devotion at home, but then I’d be lying. Somehow, Emma’s snacks and the laundry seem to always come first! :o)

So who are you? Yes, you’re a mom (or dad, girlfriend, vice president, etc.), but when all of that is stripped away, who are you really? Sure, you can take pride in your skills — whether they be making a sale or nursing your child — but at the end of the day, is the person that is left happy… or better yet, content?

I can honestly say I am getting there. The other day after Emma went down for her nap, I peeked in her room and really felt an overwhelming sense of joy. Everything just felt right in that moment, and I thanked God for my blessings. The fact that I had my “career” and now I have what is really important — my family.

I love being a mom more than any one thing I have ever done in my life, but what is really exciting is that it is just one of the many things God has in store for my life. Only one of the ways I can continue to glorify Him.

So who am I? The answer to that is complicated, but God also makes it simple: I am one of His children. And knowing that makes me want to be more than I am.

Having a cold while pregnant really stinks.

Having a toddler with a cold while you have a cold and are pregnant is totally unfair.

How do you mothers with more than 1 child do it?

P.S. Baby B update tomorrow after OB appt.!