Lisa Bonnema

Mom. Writer. Speaker.

This Day

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I lay here in the early hours, waiting for the little pitter patter of feet. I am scared. He knows, but I tell Him anyway.

I close my eyes.

I see Him. His hands. He stretches them out to me and hands me my baby.

“Here, she is, child. It is now your turn to take care of her. She is special. You may not understand the decisions I have made, but I trust you. Her strength will be her spirit. Guide it, nurture it…for it will bless many.”

I nod my head. I look in her eyes, and I know He has created beauty beyond my comprehension. Heavenly beauty that I get to share with the world. I am proud, and I am happy.

This day, she is mine. But, more importantly, she is still His. Together, we will show the world that His plan is always perfect. Always good.

Always beautiful.

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Dearest Brooklyn,

Tomorrow we get to finally meet you, and we couldn’t be more excited. There is so much to tell you, but for now, we just want you to know how much we love you. So very, very much.

Love,
Mommy, Daddy, Emma, and Kendall

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Photo by the lovely Brookelyn

https://lisabonnema.com/135/

Almost There

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Okay, real quick update…

So far, it’s looking like Miss Brooklyn is going to hold on until this Tuesday. Earlier this week, I was having some contractions, but nothing really since Tuesday night. I think those were more of a result of our fun-filled (but hot!) day at the zoo on Monday.

I also had my last loooong day of doctor’s appointments on Tuesday (non-stress test, ultrasound, and OB visit). I didn’t realize how much I wanted those to be over until I was sitting in the ultrasound room. Jeff was with me, and we got the latest numbers on Brooklyn ventricles (brain fluid estimations), and I lost it. The numbers were much higher than I expected — 33 mm and 27 mm — and before I knew it, the tears were streaming and I could not get them to stop. It was at the moment that I knew I wanted this to be over.

It’s not that I wanted the pregnancy to be over; I was just done with all the stinking appointments. Done with the long days, the drama, the worry, the head games I had to play with myself every time…building myself up for what I might see, trying to stay strong for what I did see, then trying to convince myself that what I actually saw meant nothing. Totally and emotionally exhausting. Let’s just say I would rather not see an ultrasound machine for a very, very long time.

The good news is that my OB wasn’t concerned with the ventricle size at all and said it’s all proportionate to her growth. (So, yes, I totally overreacted.) And speaking of growth, our “little peanut” is now up to the 56th percentile in weight!!! That was such awesome news — we really want her to be as strong as possible if she does in fact require surgery.

She is still breech, but this girl is trying her hardest to move. Not sure she’ll make it there, but I’m still praying that she will. The c-section is all set up, but in all honestly, my heart’s desire is to deliver her naturally. Of course, I have no control, so whatever is meant to be will be.

I truly, truly believe that. I am at total peace right now with whatever happens. Now, I admit that last week was a totally different story. I wasn’t ready. But after having some contractions and then the emotional release of Tuesday’s appointment, my heart faced it all head on, and I honestly feel ready for anything. If she comes this weekend, great! We get to meet her sooner. If she waits until Tuesday, fine. Then all of our “plans” are in place, and we know what to expect (kinda).

The last few days have been wonderful as I get everything “in order” and do some last-minute fun things with the girls. I’ve even been able to have some really good talks with Emma.

Overall, I am totally motivated and feeling really good — both physically and emotionally. Our plans are in place in terms of babysitters and emotional support for Brooklyn’s birth and the days following, and I am so very excited to meet our little angel.

We’ll keep you all posted, and as always, thank you so much for your prayers. She’s almost here!

Quick Update: The Countdown

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Just wanted to give ya’ll a quick update on our peanut as we inch closer and closer to her birthday!

My last two doctor appointments went well. The one I had 2 weeks ago turned into an ultrasound because my belly was measuring small (about 2 weeks behind), but the ultrasound showed Miss Brooklyn is growing — she was up to 5 lbs, 9 oz — which is still within the 25th percentile. I had a feeling that she was going through a growth spurt after that appointment, and sure enough, this week my belly was only measuring a 1/2 week behind, so she is getting stronger and stronger every day!

She is still breech, so we are scheduled for a C-section on July 27. However, both my girls were early (Emma was 10 days, Kendall about 5 days), so we’ll see what happens. Miss Brooklyn certainly likes to keep life interesting, so I’m not planning on anything going the way I think it will. 😉

My OB did talk to us about doing a “version,” which is where they manually try to turn the baby in utero so that she is in position for a natural birth. But, there are risks associated with that, and Jeff and I both feel it isn’t worth it at this point. They say I am a “good candidate” because my other two deliveries went so well (nice and fast!), but I feel really confident that Brooklyn will be in the position she is supposed to be in when the time comes. Whether that means she does a flip on her own or wants to stay put, I am game. We have gotten this far, and I certainly don’t want to induce an emergency C-section if we don’t have to. We want to give Brooklyn the safest delivery possible.

(But… if you could say a prayer or two that she does flip, I’d appreciate it. I’d really like to recover from delivery as fast as possible so I can be with Brooklyn and the girls as fast as possible. I have accepted that this might not happen, but I am still hoping!)

So that’s the scoop. My last doctor’s appointment and ultrasound are on Tuesday, and then we wait until the 27th. Holy cow, that’s less than 2 weeks away. Can you believe it? Let the countdown begin!